Captain Oblivious

Ever have a perfect day? You wake up refreshed and rested, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, and all is right with the world? Everyone is happy to see you, the newspapers are full of good news, and all your bills are paid on time?

Me neither. And it doesn't look like that's going to change anytime soon.

They tell me my mother was a psychic. After all, she named me Seamus. So obviously she knew I was going to be a private detective, right? You know, a shamus. Personally, I think if Mom knew I was going to be a private detective, she'd have taught me to spell my name differently. If you knew your son was going to be a farmer, would you name him Phyrmir?

No, Mom didn't have The Sight. Sure, our ancestors were Irish, and the Gaels practically have a monopoly on that Gift. But people who can see the future don't get run over by buses. Besides, if Mom was psychic she'd have told me to stay away from fairies. No mother likes to see her son get his butt kicked all over the city by a six inch tall, cigar smoking tough guy named Irving.

I know what you're thinking. What kind of private detective loses a fight with somebody who doesn't even come up to his knees? But Irving's not just a really short guy; he's a fairy. And fairies have the special ability to make things heavier or lighter. That's a pretty good party trick, and Irving came up with a thoroughly disturbing way to use it. He spent several minutes tossing pebbles at me. 300 pound pebbles.

Me? I have the special ability to run faster than usual when people are trying to kill me. I put a few blocks between myself and that tiny but disproportionately deadly pain in the ass, and then I sat down and wheezed for a while. Those of us on the wrong side of 40 need a little extra recovery time.

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I wrote that almost two years ago, but I forgot about it until tonight. I like that kind of writing, so it made me smile. I sort of feel like I should have paid some sort of fee to Mike Midas, though, before posting it here. :D