Captain Oblivious

All work and no silliness makes the Captain a dull boy, so...

There's this game called "Who's on your list?" (alternately: "Who's on your cake?") that has been around for several years. The first version I'm aware of was described in an early Friends episode, when Isabella Rossellini shows up in Central Perk and the expected comedy of errors ensues. In general, the idea is that each person in a couple has a list of people that they are allowed to hook up with, should an incredibly implausible opportunity present itself, and the other partner isn't allowed to complain (in the spirit of the game, they should be helping you, in fact). Now, you're not expected to put the hot secretary at work or the cute guy at the gym on your list; the idea is that these are celebrities, and you'll never see them in person, which is why it's harmless fun. The "Who's on your cake?" version of the game is based on the (possibly apocryphal?) story from a few years ago, where Will Smith's wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, gave him a birthday cake with pictures of Beyonce and J. Lo on it, and said, "There, NOW you can have a piece!" True story? Don't know. It's pretty funny, though.

So, since I've raised the subject of the game, you know what's coming next. Yep, here's my list:

• Jessica Alba (you don't really need an explanation of this one, do you?)
• Janet Jackson (yes, even after her ... titillating ... performance at the Super Bowl)
• Salma Hayek (yeah, I like brunettes...)
• Heather Kozar (the token blonde on the list, truly not my type normally)
• Vida Guerra (by now, you can tell whether I'm a breast man or an ass man, I trust? Heh...)

In the interest of equal time, here's my wife's list (I'm sure she'll let me know if I've forgotten anybody, but I'm pretty sure this is accurate):

• Harrison Ford (yeah, he's an old guy, she likes them that way)
• Patrick Stewart (Jean Luc Picard, and not just old but bald, too)
• Sting (still old, still bald...)
• Sean Connery (yes, she's still on the 'older man' kick)
• Orlando Bloom (Legolas in the LOTR movies)
• Viggo Mortensen (Aragorn in the LOTR movies)

The Aragorn/Legolas addition is, of course, recent. During Return of the King, when Frodo's recovering in Minas Tirith and the Fellowship are making their way into the room, Bloom appeared in the doorway and my wife leaned over to whisper, "Now he's on my list!" My response was, "What, no Aragorn?" To which she replied, "Oh, yeah. Both of them! At once."

So, anyone else care to incriminate themselves? Who's on your list?